Lets start from the beginning. About two days ago I was asked if I wanted to go to a pig roast Memorial Day picnic that was going to be held at a community center hosted by Bobby Jo's uncle. For those of you who are not familiar with Bobby Jo the only thing that's important to know is that she's as country as her name sounds and is dating Marcus's dad. Getting back to the story..and as you know we of course agreed to go. To set the day off on the right foot we got to do something that wasn't planned nor expected. Picking up Marcus's sister. Usually this proves to be quite a task because she is indeed a clone of her mother. Arrogant and bitchy. However, with that said, due to recent events (all of which is a story for another time and place to tell) she was extremely quiet so the only bullshit I had to listen to, put up with, and entertain was from Marcus's, ever so pleasant, mother. After picking Steph up it was just one awkward silent hour in the car until we reached Steve (Marcus's dad's house). Upon arrival we unloaded the car, snacked on some cookies, admired Steve's new hanging plants, got directions and then were on our way.
On our way there. So incase you didn't know there is absolutely NOTHING up here. And when you are around Steve's house there is even more of NOTHING. And when I say nothing I mean that there are more cows than people and houses. Very nice if you want to get out of the city, are retired, or if your occupation is listed as farmer. When it comes to trying to find someone or some place to ask for directions, however, you won't. With that said, after being sent on a detour because of a bad accident and taking turns and roads as seen appropriate we finally found a house with some people sitting out front drinking beer and just looking questionable to ask directions from. After asking we were anything but pleasantly surprised to find that we had indeed reached our destination.
We're finally here..? So there we were. Let me set the scene..actually nevermind. I have been told that a picture is worth a million words so let them do the talking. To set the record straight from the beginning, no, I did not have permission to take any of these pictures.With that said the reason I took the pictures is because I feel that it wouldn't matter how I choose to describe what and where I was yesterday. The reason?? Well see for yourself..
Three. Longest. Hours. Ever.The setting and food. The 4th annual pig roast that had no pig, just poorly pulled pork and Bud Light on tap. This event took place behind a trailer with only patches of grass under a medium sized blue and white striped tent. Of course there were also deep friend onion rings made in a plastic 50 gallon drum. I'm still not really sure how they pulled that off. Banana cream pie was the only selection when it came to choices of what to have for dessert, and it was made with real vanilla wafers. All in all it was only safe to eat the pasta salad but not the cheese that was mixed in. There was a trailer of a tractor trailer making the perimeter of the North side of the lawn with what looked to be a set of permanent wood stairs leading up into into it. What do they keep in there I wonder? All their dead bodies? Campers and tents were randomly placed around the remaining space in the yard. A chicken coupe was placed in the back right hand side of the yard that were seen as much of a main attraction during the picnic as the game of horse shoes happening just opposite of it as well as the band.
Hey!! Check out that chicken coupe!! There are real chickens in there!!
Dress Code. There was a couple wearing matching 'Rock on America' shirts and blue star bandanas. The wife of this couple had only 4 top teeth. Come to think of it no one had a full set of teeth.. Of course what would be a memorial day picnic without the men coming dressed in their finest muscle shirt to show off their side moobs? There of course was a drunken family member that was avoided like the plague by the other family members, would randomly get up and start dancing in front of the band, and would say something that came out as nothing but slurs and jumbled noise and finally had the best of the worst laughs ever. I can think of nothing else to compare it to than the woody the wood pecker laugh. Yup, it was that awesomely bad. Every chick there was wearing cut off shorts with a cigarette pack shoved in the back pocket as well as having extremely bad bleach blond hair with accompanying equally as awful perm. My favorite outfit of the day involved a Hawaiian shirt and camo hat that was donned by a man who actually yelled at the band because he felt that they weren't playing anything good or anything that was requested. And to finish this segment and put to rest your last unanswered question yes, there was A LOT of plumbers crack. Crack kills ladies and gentleman.
The band. There was a 4 man band playing classic rock only WZZO (a classi
c rock station in the Pocono's that NO ONE listens to) would play. The band member that supplied us with the invitation to this interensting picnic greeted us wearing a manatee shirt, sunglasses and a newspaper boy hat. Another band member was wearing a shirt that read 'Music is my life' in what I think of as groovy lettering that came out of the 70's. And finally, the last band member was actually the husband of the couple that I told you about earlier who were wearing the matching 'Rock on America' T-shirts. This member was by far my favorite. Of course what would be a live music experience without the crowd yelling out to the band 'More cow bell!!' and 'Git-R-Done!!' after completing, what the crowd considered, a particularly good song.Band member wearing 'Music Is my Life Shirt'. Groovy shades man!!
Sorry for such a long post but I hope it was at least entertaining to read. And with that I leave you with this note I found on the bathroom door:
P.S- Enjoy the rest of your Memorial Day weekend!! I know I am with the help of a TopGear marathon!! :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment